


True essence of beauty

by typicalmidnightsoul



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Freedom, Nesta can only love Cassian if she can love herself, Nesta finding herself, tragic backstories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:35:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24075301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/typicalmidnightsoul/pseuds/typicalmidnightsoul
Summary: Cassian came up behind Feyre.“You’re leaving?” He whispered.Nesta looked away. Not being able to meet his eyes.She took the letter from Elain. As she turned to leave, Elain said,“This is what father would have wanted,” She wiped her tears away, “Go Nesta, just promise you’ll write.”Nesta nodded. She wouldn’t be able to hug them goodbye, she would just break.“Wait Nesta where are you going to go?!” Feyre’s tone was pleading.“I know where I want to go.”The word itself felt freeing. Want.“Until we meet again.”
Relationships: Amren/Varian (ACoTaR), Elain Archeron/Azriel, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron & Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	1. Be someone tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.  
> ― Steve Maraboli

**_Feyre_ **

I could tell Cresseida didn’t want to be here, but it was a party held for her brother and Amren, it was a part held for her brothers happiness, as a celebration for the fact that Amren and Varian had finally officialised their relationship. I frowned at the sight of her knocking back shot after shot but somehow not getting fully drunk. I turned my head to my own sister who, just like Cresseida did not want to be here. She was due to go to the Illyrian mountains next month but couldn’t she just be happy… just this once.

Sensing my distress, Rhys came up behind me.

“Come dance with me.”

As I let herself be led away by him I looked back once.

Cresseida was now making her way to an empty seat in the corner of Rita’s. To Nesta.

**_Cresseida_ **

****

“Hello.”

Nesta Archeron didn’t so much as look her way. Cresseida smirked. It always seemed like the Archeron sisters’ were so perfect. Good to know at least one of them didn’t fake it.

“You are nothing like your sisters you know.”

She turned her head venom and fury threating to spill out.

“Who are you again?”

She feigned surprise, “Me? Oh no one special, just the princess of Adriata.”

Nesta scoffed, “Am I meant to be impressed?”

“I’d be glad if you didn’t.”

She raised a brow at this.

“I am basically just a face of superiority, I sit beside Tarquin 3 times a week and the rest of the week I'm off.”

Nesta turned back to the crowd of people dancing.

“Look I don’t want to be here as much as you do” She paused, “Want to get some fresh air?”

Nesta smirked, “Sorry I don’t take females to bed.”

Cresseida tipped her head back and laughed, “Oh gosh you took that the wrong way.”

“I am a bit confused. The hair, the gown, the posture it all seems to be the standards of a Lady but… your drinking, the males those don’t match human standards, you threw that away, why not this?”

She gestured to Nesta.

Nesta froze, “Don’t come judging me when you know nothing about me.”

Cresseida smiled, “You’re not human anymore.”

“Again you don’t know anything about me.”

She stormed out of Rita’s only to hear a voice say behind her.

“But I want to know you.”

**_Nesta_ **

Never in her life did anyone _want_ to know Nesta besides getting in between her legs. Her sisters’ needed her but not anymore. She could stay with them for a 100 years but she still wouldn’t call this place home.

She turned around slowly.

“Excuse me?”

Cresseida looked puzzled, “What?”

“Why? I have never met you before; we don’t know each other…why?”

Cresseida took a deep breath, “At the meeting, the girl you were then and the girl you are now… there are a thousand broken pieces separating them. Reminds me of how I was after Amarantha killed my parents. It was so hard. Keeping it together for my people, I bottled everything up to the point that when I blew up…no one else felt it but me.”

Yes that was exactly how it felt after her mother died. How it felt after the war ended.

“What do you want?”

“To take you away from here.”

Nesta flinched. “I can’t go from here… I-I”

“Why? Feyre’s new family only tolerates you for Elain, for Feyre.”

Nesta stepped away, “Yes but, I have no one, nothing, no wealth, no-”

Cresseida held up a hand for her to stop.

“Take a deep breath.” She did, “And think… weren’t you rich as hell in the human lands.”

Nesta stopped and tilted her head in consideration.

“Yes but…All my wealth is…I don’t know if my father left any wealth for me.”

Cresseida simply replied, “I’ve always wanted to go to the mortal lands.”

Nesta started walking, walking away from Feyre’s happy family, away from all the temporary happiness…away from the pain.

Cresseida walked beside her.

“My soldiers guard what was once the wall in spring court I could easily get us on the other side, if you know where to go.”

Nesta considered. Did she really want to do this? She didn’t even know this female…yet she was considering this. She stopped walking. She didn’t want to spend eternity leashed to a high lord and lady. Even if they were her sister and brother-in-law.

She turned to Cresseida. “I know where my family lawyer lives, he will have my fathers will.”

Cresseida smirked, “So what does that mean?”

Nesta returned the smirk with a malicious one of her own, “It means I'm ready to see what you have to offer me.”

_1 Week later._

“I hate this cloak.” Nesta whispered.

“Damn and I thought I was the princess,” Cressida whispered back, “We could just rip these off and show your whole village how stunning we are.”

“Of course, because that is totally not going to kill us.”

“Then shut up and lead the way.”

Nesta kicked her and said, “We’re here.”

They went inside, and through the back.

The short stubby man looked up from his desk, peering up from the rim of his glasses.

“Can I help you ladies?”

They took off the hoods of their cloaks.

“Hello, Mr Sullivan-“

He screamed getting a dagger out of his drawer.

Cresseida in turn used the water in a nearby cup to produce a water dragon that bit his hand making him drop the dagger.

Nesta glared at her, she smiled innocently.

Cresseida used the same water to take hold of the knife and hold it to his throat.

Nesta rolled her eyes, “This is all so unnecessary.”

She faced him, “My father’s will.”

He pointed at a drawer in the far corner.

She walked over and pulled out a file. 

_I, Randolph Archeron hereby declare in the presence of Bishop Sullivan as my witness that all my wealth and property will be handed over to my eldest daughter, Nesta Archeron._ _I give my signature to seal and confirm this statement. I request Bishop Sullivan to give my daughter the letter I have written._

_Signed, Randolph Archeron._

Nesta put a hand to her mouth. Her father had left her everything, his wealth his properties, even a…

“Where is the letter?” She growled.

He trembled and pointed to another file.

She ran and ripped the letter open.

_My dear Nesta,_

_I hope this letter finds you well, if you are reading this then I am no longer with you. My daughter, your mother would be so proud of you, you have protected Elain and you have given Feyre the freedom to be herself. I know it seems like Feyre is everyone’s saviour and I can tell that you did not feel the same as everyone. You have not done anyone wrong._

_You have nothing to apologize for. You have no one to bow to. You have never bowed to a man, to me. You did not bow to that King. You are the heiress to the Archeron mantle. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. The amount wealth I am giving to you will allow you to live even eternity in peace. I know you are wondering why Elain and Feyre are not a part of this wealth. The reason is Nesta, I trust you and them but you deserve to live a life where you get to choose what you do._

_I want to give you a choice. I could not do anything for you in the cottage, and I shall forever curse and reap for that. I shall weep even in death for my incompetence. I hope this will make up even a miniscule of my mistakes. Go, Nesta. Live on your terms for once. Your mother hated that you were born in a time where women are not respected, if you use this wealth to live for yourself I will feel as though I have fulfilled my wife’s last wish. Be the queen your mother raised you to be._

_You can be someone tomorrow. Sometimes there is a peace in being nobody._

_You never had a carefree childhood. You can have that now._

_Your mother loves you to the ends of the universe. She always did. As do I. I have loved you since the moment I held you in my arms. You loved many things. Love them again. Your mother taught you many things. Do them again. Meet the family you thought you lost. You don’t have to live for anybody else now._

_On my time away I have met many skilled fae. They have made you things for me, I wish for you to have them as a final goodbye. They are in the manor you grew up in._

_Your mother and I love you and your sisters. We look down at you from the sky._

_We are proud of you Nesta. We are proud of Elain. We are proud of Feyre._

_All my love,_

_Your father._

She broke down crying. Cresseida held her through it all.

**_At the river house._ **

“Nesta where have you been?! We were so worried-”

Nesta held up a hand stopping Feyre half way.

“I went to the mortal lands with Cresseida to recover father’s will,” Elain gasped, “He has given me all his wealth has left me a letter.”

Feyre didn’t care about the wealth but… a letter only for Nesta? That broke her heart.

“I’d like to read you the last few lines,” Feyre and Elain stilled, their family gathered behind them,

“Your mother and I love you and your sisters. We look down at you from the sky. We are proud of you Nesta. We are proud of Elain. We are proud of Feyre. All my love, Your father.”

Elain broke down, “Nesta please let us read the letter, please…”

Nesta bit her lip. She looked at them both, their already teary eyed features. She handed them the letter.

They both read it in a flurry.

Elain started crying in full force but Feyre looked at her.

“What does this mean? Are you…”

Nesta nodded.

“Nesta is it because of me? Please I will be better…just don’t go…”

Cassian came up behind Feyre.

“You’re leaving?” He whispered.

Nesta looked away. Not being able to meet his eyes.

She took the letter from Elain. As she turned to leave, Elain said,

“This is what father would have wanted,” She wiped her tears away, “Go Nesta, just promise you’ll write.”

Nesta nodded. She wouldn’t be able to hug them goodbye, she would just break.

“Wait Nesta where are you going to go?!” Feyre’s tone was pleading.

“I know where I want to go.”

The word itself felt freeing. _Want._

 _“_ Until we meet again.”

She walked out to Cresseida in the front yard. They were all watching her. She knew they were.

Cresseida held open her arms. Nesta walked into them.

“Not anywhere in Prythian?” She asked.

“Not anywhere in Prythian.” She whispered.


	2. The Socialite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now see how Nesta's life has changed in the time span of 6 months...  
> We have some Nessian angst in this one guys.

Elain was giddy with excitement.

”Elain stop.” Feyre was standing by the door looking at Elain. Elain looked at her in confusion.

”Why?” Feyre gave her a look, “Feyre we got an invitation.”

”not from Nesta!” Feyre’s voice kept on raising, “ we got an invitation as a taunt from Eris! He was taunting us, telling us how we failed her and how well she is doing now! He sent us an invitation to come see for ourselves”

”I don’t care!” Elain shouted back, “I want to see Nesta... I want to see how well she is doing because we did fail her! I’m going and I don’t care whether you go or not.” She went back to trying on dresses in the mirror. Feyre softened and came up behind her. She picked up the tea length pink dress.   
  


“you should wear this. Get dressed quick. We’re leaving in 25 minutes” 

She beamed back.

——————

They winnowed into the grounds of Nesta's estate.

It was built atop a cliff side, The manor was modern, the bottom floor with huge glass windows, the black steps leading up to a rock paved floor with double doors. 

"She sure has done well for herself." Rhys said from next to Feyre, Cassian, Elain and Azriel had come too.

"Well, well if it isn't the infamous court of dreams," They turned to see Cresseida with a bottle in hand. She laughed softly, "Eris said you'd be coming but I didn't really believe him."

"Cresseida," Elain greeted, "You look well."

"Thank you, as do you," She turned her head towards the house, "As does Nesta, c'mon I'll let you in."

They went inside the manor. The stars had started showing outside and inside, well _starstruck_ was a good word for how they were feeling inside. 

It was a formal event, for sure. Neon lights were lining the living room ceiling, and when you went to the room's beyond there were soft fae lights over head. Glass counters were dotted across the room. Since the house was built on a cliff, the view was breathtaking. 

"Where's Nesta?" Elain asked Cresseida. Cresseida only smiled.

A tinkling noise came from the front of the room. 

"Hello everyone." 

Some people moved towards the room and Feyre had to shift her position to see better. Elain gasped. 

Because Nesta was at the front of the room, addressing the audience. She wore a ruched satin bardot dress in a shade of wine red. The dress clung tight to her. These kind of dresses looked vulgar in a scene like this but on Nesta...She was elegance personified. It was not explainable. 

"A toast," She held up her glass and everyone followed, "To my friends, who were there for me, to Cresseida wherever she is," everyone chuckled, "To Eris," She jerked her head to Eris who was standing close to her, He raised his glass to her. She looked at a female with dark honey skin and jet black hair with red tips, "To Lily. To Karla." Then she face the audience, "To friends"

The crowd cheered. Nesta's dimples went away when she caught sight of who was next to Cresseida. She downed the whole glass of rosé. The gesture did not go unnoticed by anyone.

She walked over to them. Elain beamed and went to hug Nesta. Nesta’s own smile didn’t reach her eyes as she hugged her back.   
“Nesta” Rhys greeted.

”Did you know we were coming?” Feyre asked.

“Kind of,” she said, “ anyway welcome.” 

She turned to leave. Cassian, his eyes hard, followed her retreating figure. 

“I’ll be back.” He said launching into a brisk walk after her. 

\----------------------------

"Nesta." They had reached a secluded part of the house. The gargantuan glass window was showing off the beautiful cliff side and the cerulean ocean beyond.

" _Nesta."_ She turned crossing her arms.

"What?" She looked fed up. 

"We need to talk." Her face paled.

"About what."

"About _us."_ She scoffed and started walking again. He grabbed her hand this time.

"Don't you dare run away this time."

"I may run away but at least I don't pretend," She seethed.

He raised a brow. This scene reminded him very much of the last time he dared to face her. 

"Pretend? I don't pretend..." She caught a sight behind him and smiled.

"Hey Morrigan." He let go of her hand and turned around...she wasn't there and Nesta gave out a malicious laugh and started walking away again. He clenched and unclenched his fist. Nesta poured out what looked like her 4th drink of the night. 

He walked over to her, "How is this life any different from the one in Velaris?" he snapped.

"One, the drinks are more expensive and taste stunning, two, I don't do flings anymore, three, It's technically my own money so I don't owe anyone shit." She pored herself another drink.

"I am a bit confused, are you sober or not?" He leaned against the counter. She lifted her head up to him and he saw it. The rage and fury that was there the day she got made was now replace by a wild sort of mystery. She leaned forward whispering into his ear, 

"Would I talk to you if I was sober?" The closeness of them, almost made his knees buckle. He closed his eyes breathing in her scent. She melt of Rose oil, sandalwood and dark chocolate. She leaned back.

"I'm not stupid Cassian, I know you're trying to change the topic."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were talking, Nes" He smirked.

She smirked back, "What do you want?" He frowned.

"I have already made it clear, Nesta, what I want." 

Sh pouted and knocked back another drink, "Oh dear, it seems the message didn't reach my ears."

"Why did you leave?" Her mask slipped off. The mask of the party girl, of the host.

She leaned forward again, "You want to know why Cassian? Because... I'm not a fake therefore I don't fit in with your band of merry men."

He growled, "We are not fakes-"

"No," She hissed back, "You just pretend that everything is fine, like you haven't lost people. You self isolate to heal, you laugh to heal. What's your breaking point? Mine was watching my fathers neck get snapped and be reminded of it every time someone lights a fire," he tried and failed to register his shock, "People try and pick up pieces of me when they aren't meant to be. Everyone leaves and I get burdened with the grief. I am just protecting myself, If I pretended to _try_ as you told me to I would die, night after night. After my 12th attempt to kill myself I went outside and let a stranger fuck me into oblivion because I am hurting and I thought if I disappear everyone will be alright. And I was right. I never had a choice. Not when I was human, not with Feyre in my father's mansion. not when Feyre exiled me. Cresseida gave me a choice and it wasn't much but it was the only available one. So i took it. This life might not be different from life in Velaris but it's _mine_."

"Is that what you wanted to hear?" She turned around.

"Nesta why didn't you tell us?"

"WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?" Her eyes were burning, lined with tears, she poured another drink and drank it, she poured another and just stared at her reflection in the drink, "Another pep talk is what would've happened if I told them, **'** Nesta calm down'; 'it might feel like this for a while'; 'it will never go away, all you have to try and do is heal **'** " She looked up, "What did Feyre think would happen if she sent me with you? A forced love story? Healing? Of course."

"No, Nesta, Feyre ways just trying to help you-"

"Of course, I struggle to understand why you bother Cassian when you can't seem to step out of the role of the buffer. Stay with her, don't you dare choose me over her because I am not a choice, a back-plan or a second option." She smirked at the anger now lining his features."

He looked up, his eyes dark, "If we're all fakes, Nesta what are you?"

She mock considered, "Some call me a bitch, some a witch but I think viper is my faviroute."

He looked at her with sweet venom, "So you're a snake?"

She looked over her shoulder and smirked, "You say snake like it's a bad thing." 

She walked away leaving him standing there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment guysss.


	3. Being drunk is my new sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by Marisa Maino's song bored and brokenhearted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy it!

It had been 6 weeks since they’d seen Nesta in that pretty cliff top house.

Since he’d seen her. Since they exchanged words.

He didn’t know how to cope with the knowledge of her trying to… 12 times.

He was sure he’d see her today. Where would he see her?

At Cresseida’s engagement ceremony. The thought stabbed at him.

He still wanted to go, wanted to see her. To see if she was happy. 

As he fixed the sleeves of the tailored jacket he wondered if she would ever let him in.

He shook his head and made his way into the foyer, where the others were waiting for him.

\-------

As they winnowed onto the sandy beach, Cassian cringed. There were so many people, but they did not look, well… posh. The jetty lead to a mansion in the middle of the sea where it looked like the food and alcohol came from. His eyes almost started searching for her out of habit until a light tap came from behind. He turned thinking it was-

His eyes softened, “Hello Elain.”

She smirked at him, “Looking for someone Cassian?”

He tried to chuckle but it came out weak. Elain’s smirk grew as she pointed to the railing on the side. Where Nesta was nursing a bottle of tequila. He hesitated. Should he go?

He looked at Elain’s still amused face and said, “And you’re meant to be the innocent one.”

He walked over to her.

She was so stunning; the wind blew the strands of hair framing her face out of her face. She wore a nicoline off the shoulder dress. It reached her knees and was skin-tight the ruched material outlining her hour glass figure. He just stared at her for a while. Until she turned her head and acknowledged him.

She looked him up and down then turned and looked at his entourage.

She looked back at him then raised a brow, “Blondie not here today?”

She gave a soft laugh at how easily she wound him up.

“One would think, Nesta that you’re jealous?” He retorted.

“One would also think Cassian that you thinking I’m jealous is just another way you exploit your own insecurities.”

He gaped at her, “Why do you bring her up in every conversation anyway.”

“Silly me! I never realized there’s one rule for you and a completely different one for me.”

She took another gulp of tequila. She took her eyes off him and towards the sea again.

“You make it so difficult, Nesta.”

“You have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit, Cassian.”

He eyed the bottle in her hand, “This isn’t you, Nesta, this is the alcohol talking.”

She took another swig, “You’re right, if I was sober then I wouldn’t even bother talking to you.”

His gaze flicked over to the half empty bottle, “How are you not fully drunk yet?”

She merely replied, “Alcohol tolerance.”

Heels clicked behind them,

“Cassian if you think you can just flirt with my maid of honour and ignore the huge ass line of other males wanting to do so, you are wrong.” He gave Cresseida a smile, which she returned until she saw Nesta. Cassian waited for the outburst but Cresseida just chuckled and grabbed it off her.

“Tarquin is going to scream.” She chuckled again and took huge sips of it herself.

She flicked a gaze back to Cassian, “If you excuse us commander, being my maid of honour Nesta and I need to go see the final preparations for my wedding.” Cassian nodded his head in farewell and watched as Nesta let herself be dragged along by Cresseida.

\-----

They all retreated to the chambers that had been provided for them. Cassian flopped down on the armchair. Elain sat on the window ledge. Feyre looked up at her mate from beside Cassian.

“Why do we have to stay?”

“Because it’s a courtesy that needs to be maintained for all the courts of Prythian,” Rhys chuckled.

Amren scowled, “Well. We will all be sleep deprived if they keep partying like animals, all night.”

That was correct; because in that huge villa on the jetty there was a never ending party going on which somehow stretched out onto the beach as well. A party that Varian decided he wouldn’t go to for Amren.

“We could just put a shield around all of our chambers,” Rhys replied.

Amren who was walking to her room with Varian looked back at him and said, “You do that.”

Azriel had disappeared off to God knows where, which left only Elain and Cassian in the room. He went up to her. She was staring at the after party.

“Can you see her?” He knew who she was talking about and he did see her. Dancing in the middle of the crowd, long out of that white dress and now wearing a white skirt with a slit on the side and short white top with thin straps that showed off her middle. She wore gold hoops, a pendant and had let her hair down. Eris, Cresseida, two other girls he didn’t know and Cresseida’s fiancé Alec were all dancing around her laughing at their friend’s wild spirit. But he wouldn’t let Elain know that.

“Who?”

She tore her eyes away and those doe eyes looked at him and the lie he just told her, they were so cold, he could feel the icy rage radiating of her.

“Are you mad at me, Elain?” She looked away but replied,

“Yes.”

He frowned, “Why?”

“You told Nesta that you don’t understand why Feyre and I love her.” Instead of denying it Cassian said, “How do you know?”

Her voice went hard, “Because Nesta requested we don’t love her so openly, she told me to let Feyre know that she no longer needs her and she gave me this.”

Elain showed Cassian a cheque. “She said it was to compensate for all the inconvenience she caused us.”

Cassian looked at her, “Don’t show it to Feyre-”

Elain stood up, “Even after all this time Cassian you are still thinking about Feyre?! What about Nesta?! What about what Nesta was going through?!” Her voice led Feyre and Rhys out of their room.

“Elain, Cassian what’s wrong?” Elain not taking her eyes off Cassian said,

“Nesta has compensated us for all our inconveniences Feyre.” She handed her the cheque. Feyre gaped at the paper in between her hands; Elain looked at Feyre at last,

“You exchange any words with her on this Feyre and you will see the worst of me.”

She left the room. Rhys led Feyre out as well leaving Cassian in the living room. He dropped down on the sofa, his hands in his head.

\-----

After his encounter with Elain, Cassian had decided he wanted to take a walk and clear his head. The laughter, music and shrieking had died down so he thought that everyone had probably gone to sleep. As he was walking down, he got a bit lost in thinking what life would’ve been like if Nesta had gone with him to the Illyrian mountains.

He hadn’t realized how far he’d come.

There were still people there but instead of dancing some were sleeping and some were drinking. He couldn’t see Nesta but he saw her friends sleeping on the sand. He turned to leave before he saw a lone figure lying down on the waves. Even from here he could recognize the outline of her figure. Maybe she’d fallen asleep… He hurried over going to pick her out of the waves.

He noticed that she’d changed again, as everyone else had, into a satin gown, that was probably meant for comfort at night

“Nesta.” No answer. He gave her a nudge. She mumbled something.

He pulled her up to a sitting position.

Her eyes were half open.

She smiled, her dimples piercing her cheeks “Cassian.”

“Is this how far your alcohol tolerance goes?” He looked towards the group and the bottles on the sand, “I count 10 bottles.”

She giggled, “I had 6.”

It was really hard to be mad at her when she was a giggling mess in his arms. He grabbed her arms and hauled her up. She tried to stand on her own but just fell deeper into Cassian’s arms.

He clenched his hand at the bare skin he found at her back.

“We need to get you-”

She put a hand on his cheek and pouted, “Are you upset?”

He raised a brow, “Why would I be?”

“Because I was mean to you this morning?” He ignored her question and instead asked,

“Why do you drink so much, Nes? Every time I see you, you either have a bottle in your hand or you’re already tipsy.”

She leaned into him and whispered in his ear, “I guess you could say… being drunk is my new sober.”

From their last encounters Cassian knew that getting Nesta to talk was easier when she was drunk,

“Why do you feel the need to do it though?”

She scrunched up her nose and considered, “Hm.”

“Is it because of me?”

She laughed, “Don’t give yourself so much credit,” He raised a brow, “I do it to myself, Cassian so no I can’t really blame anyone.”

“You?” Cassian asked.

She nodded, “I am bad for my health.”

He looked at her in amusement, “You really don’t give a shit what people think.”

She rolled her eyes, “Of course not, you should hear them, they call me young, wild, cold immature, they say I have got issues and honestly I think so too.”

She raised a brow at him, “Why? Do _you_ care?”

“You could party all day and night and I’d still fall -” he stopped himself. She gave him a mischievous smile and shook his chin, “You’re cute.”

She stood on her tip toes and before he could object pressed her lips to his. His eyes remained closed for a long time. She pressed her head to his chest.

“Nesta, what room are you staying in?” He asked his voice low.

She pointed to the villa, “The third room upstairs.”

He flew them there placing her in her room. As he lay down in his own bed he could feel the kiss linger on his lips. He fell asleep to the memory of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me your thoughts <3


	4. Living in places it shouldn't be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you have sadness living in places sadness shouldn't live. - Rupi Kaur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me your thoughts at the end loves <3

Nesta’s head hurt like a bitch.

Why had she drank 6 bottles-

She was drunk and who’d-

No, no, no-

She had kissed the General of the Night Court armies. Knuckles rapped on her door followed by a low voice going,

“Knock, knock.”

Shit! How was he here?! Did she somehow summon him?! She considered just hiding under the covers-

“I know you’re there Nesta, I can smell you.”

She eyed the window, maybe if she could-

He knocked again, louder this time.

 _Drunk Nesta lands herself in shit and sober Nesta needs to handle it. Fuck you._ She threw herself a vulgar gesture in the mirror and sat on the edge of her bed her back to the door,

“Come in.” She said.

He leaned against her door,

“Hey. Rough night?” Cassian smirked knowingly.

“Fuck off Cassian.” She started looking for her towel, picking up the clothes littering the floor. She tried to walk past him into the adjacent bathroom and got stopped. He blocked her way looking down at her with hard eyes.

She sighed; she didn’t have the time or energy for this.

“What do you want Cassian?”

He stepped closer to her, “We need to talk about last night.”

She shook her head flicking a lock out of her eyes, “There is nothing too talk about.”

She pushed past him into the personal living room, trying to find the hairbrush she chucked at Eris the evening before.

She heard him flop down on the couch,

“There is everything to talk about, sweetheart.”

“No there isn’t.”

“Scared Nesta?” He smirked at her back.

She whirled, “No, I am not scared. There is just nothing to talk about; I don’t know what I was doing from kissing you to letting you take me home.”

“But you didn’t really,” He raised his brows, “let me take you home, that is.”

She rolled her eyes, “It was a mistake Cassian, a drunken mistake, let it go.”

“Drunk words, sober thoughts.”

She wanted to pick up a shoe and hit him in the face.

“Cassian! There is nothing between us and never will be.”

He stood up in one swift movement.

“Don’t count on that, sweetheart.”

They stood like that, staring at each other for a long time. The window was open a morning breeze floating in and moving a rebellious strand of hair in front of her face. Cassian tucked it, his eyes locked with hers, his finger remaining there.

The door opened-

“Nesta, you will not believe-“

The grin on Eris’ face died when he saw Cassian. Cassian was about to demand why the hell he was here when he felt Nesta’s presence, her warmth leak away from him. He turned to see that Nesta had indeed stepped away from him.

“What are you doing here?” Eris seethed.

Before Cassian could answer with his own snarky comment, Nesta said, “Leaving. As I was just about to get in the shower.”

Cassian and Eris stared each other down,

“Eris. Eris could you also go and tell Cresseida that I’ll be a bit late.” Eris dragged his eyes to hers and nodded once, leaving.

“ _What was that?!”_ Cassian hissed.

“An invitation for you to leave.” Nesta replied heading into the bathroom.

Cassian stood there for a few minutes trying to process what had just happened before he left.

\-------

Cresseida had found Cassian sulking by the pier.

“Morning General.”

He smiled at her, nodding his head.

“I assume you’re sulking because Nesta refuses to acknowledge the connection between you both last night.”

He raised a brow, she shrugged, “I saw you two last night, I even turned the other way in my attempt not to eavesdrop but honestly my ears betrayed me.”

He chuckled, “No it’s not that.”

She tilted her head, “then I’m guessing it’s something to do with Eris.” His smile dropped.

“Ah I see,” She looked toward the sea, “I wish I could tell you that Eris doesn’t have a hand in Nesta’s distance towards you but well… he does.”

Cassian swallowed, “Did he say something to her?”

“Um, yes, he told her that-that well-” She winced.

Cassian turned, “What did he say Cresseida?”

“He told her about your, well history with her, Morrigan not being able to let you go, you getting used to your role as the buffer, he told her his side of the story as well. It’s not that Nesta’s embarrassed of you, she just knows how much hurt Eris has been through because of you and Morrigan that she does not want to hurt him. She cares about him and Eris; well she is literally the most important person in his life after his mother. I think Nesta sees it as a betrayal if she gets close to you.”

Cassian dragged a hand through his hair, “I hate Eris.”

“Don’t say that in front of Nesta.”

“She cares for him that much.”

“He gets her, his mother loves her, Beron, has very unusually taken a liking to her.” Cresseida chuckled, “even his brothers have but Nesta is revolted by them. His brothers not so much but his father-yes. She keeps on telling herself ‘he’s gonna die soon. Its fine, its fine’ it is absolutely hilarious.”

“Beron has taken a liking to Nesta, unbelievable.”

“Oh yes and you would not believe it, but Beron was teaching Nesta the use of ancestral weaponry of the Autumn court. Come to think of it, that’s probably the only reason why Nesta puts up with him.”

They both laughed.

“You know, Cassian with the right push Nesta will break. She’ll stop trying to deceive the inevitable.”

“The inevitable?” He raised a brow.

Cresseida smirked, “Oh yeah, you two are definitely having babies.”

She left him in shock at the blatant statement to figure out what the right push was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One (maybe 2) chapters left guys!!! <3 I know I took way too long with this, I am cursing myself i am so sorry <3

**Author's Note:**

> Basically one of my many takes on what happens to Nesta after ACOFAS. hope you like it. Leave me comments, i love your feedback. <3


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